[October/15/2019]
So to start off I discovered from a naturopathic healer of mine hat I had a strong "genetic" hangover from my Father's Father, if genetic is the right terminology: since it's specifically DNA related. A sense of betrayal and trust issues. Didn't really realize it until it was blatantly put on the table for me. I didn't immediately hunt down a way to fix this, rather at the time I just realized that emotional response to situations wasn't my burden alone. Funny enough the episode on Runesoup came my way and I just kept rolling with it.
[Early November/2019] The first major exorcise was to just observe the energies of your lineage. A big part of this all is not doing anything yourself, but establishing relationships with guides that are healthy, even if it's waaay back before names even mattered and such. I knew a bit about my mother's side and basically scratch about my dad's side. I had never really felt like I was supposed to connect to family (thanks America) and so I never inquired much.
During this assessment process you sit facing North and then listen to a recording of yourself to do a guided vizualization. Each one of your major lineages is to be pictured along a cardinal direction. You then go through and just see what the heck is going one, what's the current status? For me I gleaned a lot of insight. First I'll say what I observed, then what it means to me.
North: Father's Side - Paternal (So Dad>Grandpa>Gr GrPa>so on)
I immediately saw industrial revolution, gray, lots of metal and that lifestyle. Felt very much like a multigenerational ailment on this line of men. Further back I felt a sense of family values, and then it kind of faded into gray forests. Overall very gloomy and mildly influential. The numerical rating that popped into my head was a 4/10.
East: Father's Side - Maternal (So Dad>Grandma>Gr GrnMa>so on)
I got a lot of lakes, rivers, a real country vibe. Mountains and vibrant blues but they mixed with natural tans, like if old photographs had blue skies and only blue skies. It was a love for this lifestyle. Further back I went I got a sense of travel and independance, strong women. I also observed my Uncle is heavily effected by this line (funny enough he's had marraige troubles multiple times). Grandma is a ghost. But overall least disconnected. 6/10.
West: Mother's Side - Maternal (So Mom>Grandma>Gr GrnMa>so on)
Started off in a northern Alabama area. Winter and mountains. Community and familial love. A sense of wondering where children went once modernity sat in and the family started splitting. Further back, healthy green pastures. Effects my uncle and my mother greatly. 7/10.
South: Mother's SIde - Paternal (So Mom>Grandpa>Gr GrnPa>so on)
Immediatly bullet fire and salt. Beaches and duty. A need to prove and change. Felt like it was owed something. Really caught right there. Then further back I saw an old friend. I don't wanna say caveman cus that's rude but it was a guy who painted in caves. I had seen him before on a low dose mushroom trip where I did a past life regression and he was there. Effects my Uncle. 5/10.
So wow, I got hit with very clear very separate information for each line! I sat down and mulled through each one and what each one was doing in my life right now.
Dad's Dad: So I was already predisposed to that line being negative and it seems like there was kind of a perpetual "living to live" that has been carrying down. I know my Father is suffering from this right now. My Dad's Dad walked out on him when he was very young and definitely helped keep a negative cycle going. I also have always had a fascination with machines and as an artist like to incorporate moving parts into a lot of my stuff. Perhaps I'm stuck too? Machines are more interesting, and I'd rather trust them as they wont betray me right? I tend to think of people, at least physically, as fleshy machines. But I also am pretty spiritual so I don't think we're JUST that, simply our bodies. Overall the most depressive line.
Dad's Mom: This was the most foreign to me. Can't say much. I hope to learn more as I follow through this process. I do like country areas though.
Mom's Mom: Probably my only real Grandparent, as all my others we're passed by the time I knew what a Grandparent was. I know she suffered greatly from depression as did my Mom, and I am very much like my mother in terms of behavior. I typically get called "intense". I always associated Northern Alabama with family as my Grandma never left there, only my mom. The green pastures didn't mean much either. Was the healthiest line.
Mom's Dad: So I didn't know, or at least had definitely forgotten, that my Grandfather was at Normandy Beach. He was an artillery guy I believe, as I inquired about him after this. So he is currently stuck and strongly scarred by that and I assume is still fighting that war as a ghost. I assume that's why he feels like he's owed something. He died well before I was born of cancer, so I didn't know what he was like. He was a couch though, and a lot of that vibes with that sense of proving and duty and such. And so with no real insights on the inbetween I straight jumped to the aforementioned cave painter, so I call him. I mentioned art in my Grandma's line, and I find my drive to be wanting to do comics, so interestingly enough it may have roots from a pretty far back urge to document and tell stories visually.
[November/15/2019] Next was to pick a line. Whichever one felt like it was the healthiest and easiest to work with. Naturally I went with the one I've always felt connected with and which was already a 7/10 overall, my Grandma's. I did a short ritual to go back along that line and meet with an ancestral guide who was well and willing to help. It's important they're willing, or you'll be doing the heavy lifting. I met a young lady who was well enough, but not willing, and then next in line was a very elderly lady, who was more than willing and happy to see me. So that was exciting. For the next few days I did some offerings and at lunch, made her lunch and just spent time with her. I asked if there was anything she wanted as like a gift or offering and she requested I write and sing her a song, so I did:
Food is caught on windward thoughts, that scent we know as home.
Cold that taps the feet in snow, travel lightly, don't be slow!
The mountain spring, heard for miles. Bonfires wait under smiles.
A feast, not slight, scents the night.
Forward! To my company.
That's my home. The one's that know to nourish one another.
That's my home. The one that glows. None shall be asunder.
That's my home. The place that shows, love received tender.
That's my home. The place that grows louder in the winter!
[November/19/2019] A quick ritual here, to simply imagine a protective, but unobtrusive barrier between you and the guide that was willing to help. I pictured giving her one end of a big golden silk and then we raised it over everything in between us and let it settle. In the exercise it said if you have any other guides who are willing to hold your end, even better. Funny enough cave painter showed up and took it from me, so that was pretty cool.
[November/22/2019] Now to shift my focus on this line, and really learn. This ritual is the one right before you start repairing the line with intent. I met with the elder lady and asked about the history of the lineage. She layed it out to me as a teal woven blanket. The threads started to unravel at about halfway down, and she said this started when her people (she was an elder of sorts, or at least a strong woman of the group) went overseas. I'm not sure why they left other than hard times. Her daughter died on the voyage, and this explains the one so close to her being well to the lineage as a whole, but personally not well herself. I got a feeling that they were from Ireland, which explains the green pastures I felt immensely removed from the Northern Alabama part of the line. It literally went from one generation to another Ireland>North America. As for the general unraveling of the blanket, it just got worse and worse as generations continued in this country and winters harshed on them. A lot of it in recent times, and I believe the depression in general, came from a lot of the women of this line having that elder/leader blood but becoming wives and not leaders. I can't say each one's story but I think a lot of them felt they weren't living up to a potential they knew existed within them.
I also inquired about gifts and burdens, as per instructed in the exercise. I got:
Gifts: Singing, Leadership, Familial Care
Burdens: Depression, An Arrow in my body (I took this to mean that I take things personally, if you hit me verbally I feel pierced), and susceptible to cold, which I think is more of a generational pain that kind of goes with the depression.
Interestingly enough, my mother is a beautiful singer, and always wants to go to Ireland. My Grandma's family name was Fanning which when I googled the name of the family later, Fanning, sure enough, was Irish. I hadn't thought to dig into the Fanning side as she married and took the name Lily, so I kinda blanked during my research phase and didn't think to check out Fanning, only Lily. It was pretty neat that it came through pretty clear and then validation came after confrontation. I know one of my relatives did some research and I'll have to confirm with him, but my mom said he thought they came from England. I'm thinking potentially these line of women were Irish and could've ended up with an Englishman and then took the name Fanning? I'll make an update if I find out more. Also open to the possibility of being completely wrong of course.
