Cannabis addiction: experiences

[enjoypolo]

Hey y'all,

Wanted to share about my addiction experiences here, especially since I took a break from smoking weed lately. I recently made a big move from Canada to Amsterdam with my partner in crime for her studies, and we mutually agreed that I should make some personal changes in my bad habits, namely, stop smoking weed for a month (in freakin' Amsterdam out of all the places!).

To give some context, I'd been smoking a joint daily, for the past five years minimum. Helped me easy, relax, and take the edge off of something deeper within.

I'd always denied my addiction (typical addict behaviour) and finally surrendered to the fact that I was, for better or for worse. Before leaving a week ago, I watched Gabor Maté's videos on cannabis addiction and it made a lot of sense to me. The line between self-medication and addiction.
Once I decided to quit, it became clear that I have many addictions, including food, coffee, thrill, heck, even the higherside chats probably!

It's only been 8 days, and the biggest changes I've noticed are the wild dreams I've been having every night. It's like surfing the akashic dreams: very vivid and revisiting lots of old memories. Jumping from one to the next in succession (and remembering them later on too).
Even one where Vandana Shiva was baking me homemade cannabis edibles to me (how could I refuse!) with full-on psychedelic sensations (i'm still puzzled by that phenomena).
Good news is, I don't feel like sneaking out to coffeeshops to have my fix, something I felt the urge to back in Vancouver.

Personally, I still praise Cannabis for her many strengths/benefits, and my goal is to take a month-long sober break at this point. After that, I'd still like to enjoy a cookie or two, and maybe the ocassional toke, but I realize that without it, it gives me more clear-headedness and mental energy (as opposed to mental fog and lethargy).
I also don't have a habit to drink or smoke ciggies, so I consider myself quite mellow on this front.

Also realized a big part of it, was probably the environment: set & setting. Moving here, everything is new, the culture, the people, the environment, whereas previously I felt more isolated at times, toiling on jobs I didn't particularly enthused over, worrying over finances as well.

So anyways, it's definitely a big change, but I embrace it. I still have my addictions, but working slowly to gain more sovereignty over my behaviour. Seeing this as part of my growth, and unfolding of the Homeric Journey gives me perspective to look forward.
Forgive me in advance for using this platform as my personal diary.

Feel free to chime in with your experiences.
Namaste y'all.

 

[sirujux]

its real easy to get addicted to things because in nature we are supposed to be doing things that are good for us. instead we use tv or something to excape this never ending loop of craziness. its makes you learn, but its not very healthy.

 

[nickzeptepi]

I highly recommend you write those dreams down - interpretations and realisations will come to you later - might speed up your journey wherever that takes you

Well done on your taking the journey and gaining your own Self sovereignty.

I too had a daily, after a change of living i managed to stop it but it restarted a while later and I was making excuses for using it - the most recent was that it help me relax muscles after the gym, then it became i used just a little bong hit before the gym to help get a quick muscle pump when i went to the gym.

But after a continuing on my own sovereign journey and getting closer to my bring the master over my own self and mind I just used it less and less and its not a habit that i must do after this or before that.
daily use has stopped

I do link the reduction in habit and feeling i want to get a bit out of my mind to owning my own mind, not being beholden to the thoughts that cross it, the feelings that arise and the actions i feel compelled to do - which invariably root down to my attachment trauma, co-dependancy and doing stuff for others out of duty and obligation.

I'm sure if you can root down to your reasons for getting out of your mind, you should find you can be the master over the weed and use it every now and again without the habit restarting.

Good luck
keep us posted

 

[enjoypolo]

Thank you Nick, and for sharing your experiences. I resonate with some of those things you mentioned as well.
I also think the voices in my mind proportionally increase the less I exercise, so that's definitely a habit I need to change too.

And thanks for the journaling idea, I'll def follow up on that advice.

 

[nickzeptepi]

Gosh my grammar and spelling is terrible - but hey

Check this vid out i think i posted it elsewhere. he talks alot of sense about the "person of the mind" wants to live a easy life in the material world, and pushed you that way - that "person" is a reflection of the world and a projection from your parents and peers potentially your gf - they also want a happy easy life in the material and see nothing wrong with pushing you in that direction, it is something they see as aspirational, to climb the ladder that leans on the opposite wall to the Self.

You could also be a little empathic picking up others thoughts as your own,
do you "hear" words or phrases to say to another? cos that could easily be their projections of what they want you to say. - trust me on this one, Mothers do it to their kids and its a skill females have over some men. Consider, Jung and the male anima being female which he will deny and not integrate it, cos he believes his soul is male, and why many females ask what their partner is thinking - they are just checking that their thought projections are taken as your own......

general tip - thoughts in your head are not yours but environmental to your surroundings inc the people.
your own "thoughts generally well up from the heart centre or root chakra into a realisation rather than the chitter chatter in the head.

Exercise is a way for your Self to reside in the body more, you stress the body and then relax the higher the short term stress (exercise) the deep the relax - especially if you can do a little focus breathing, into the body rather than the mind. see those vids of Tony robbins in the know thy self mega thread. the being of the Self will find it easier to reside in the body-self and quash those pesky mind parasites!!!

Do you have ritual ancestor practice - Its new moon in a couple of days - good time to offer food and drink and slip into the the is-ness to chat with them, might help you distinguish and filter the voices into beneficial and noise.

if you don't meditate you should try some, literally fist thing you do after waking up, before you check your phone!! go sit and while you still a little asleep its a little easier to focus on breath and slip into the self of the being.

Plus in Amsterdam do they have a Chinese temple - try a little quiet ancestor meditation there, or one of the old churches.

Ahh amsterdam, I was once spazzed out on magic mushrroms giggling my head off sat on a bench in one of the squares, my arms splayed over the bench as i slouched in it, and some kid encouraged by his dad tried to lift my watch, he flipped the strap buckle - but i noticed and the ran off.

 

[enjoypolo]

Gosh my grammar and spelling is terrible - but hey

Check this vid out i think i posted it elsewhere. he talks alot of sense about the "person of the mind" wants to live a easy life in the material world, and pushed you that way - that "person" is a reflection of the world and a projection from your parents and peers potentially your gf - they also want a happy easy life in the material and see nothing wrong with pushing you in that direction, it is something they see as aspirational, to climb the ladder that leans on the opposite wall to the Self.

You could also be a little empathic picking up others thoughts as your own,
do you "hear" words or phrases to say to another? cos that could easily be their projections of what they want you to say. - trust me on this one, Mothers do it to their kids and its a skill females have over some men. Consider, Jung and the male anima being female which he will deny and not integrate it, cos he believes his soul is male, and why many females ask what their partner is thinking - they are just checking that their thought projections are taken as your own......

general tip - thoughts in your head are not yours but environmental to your surroundings inc the people.
your own "thoughts generally well up from the heart centre or root chakra into a realisation rather than the chitter chatter in the head.

Exercise is a way for your Self to reside in the body more, you stress the body and then relax the higher the short term stress (exercise) the deep the relax - especially if you can do a little focus breathing, into the body rather than the mind. see those vids of Tony robbins in the know thy self mega thread. the being of the Self will find it easier to reside in the body-self and quash those pesky mind parasites!!!

Do you have ritual ancestor practice - Its new moon in a couple of days - good time to offer food and drink and slip into the the is-ness to chat with them, might help you distinguish and filter the voices into beneficial and noise.

if you don't meditate you should try some, literally fist thing you do after waking up, before you check your phone!! go sit and while you still a little asleep its a little easier to focus on breath and slip into the self of the being.

Plus in Amsterdam do they have a Chinese temple - try a little quiet ancestor meditation there, or one of the old churches.

Ahh amsterdam, I was once spazzed out on magic mushrroms giggling my head off sat on a bench in one of the squares, my arms splayed over the bench as i slouched in it, and some kid encouraged by his dad tried to lift my watch, he flipped the strap buckle - but i noticed and the ran off.

Grazie mille for all the advice Nick.

You could also be a little empathic picking up others thoughts as your own,
do you "hear" words or phrases to say to another? cos that could easily be their projections of what they want you to say.

I do hear phrases, and it used to act like a bully on myself, although over the years I've become much easier and forgiving (sometimes too much; swinging from both polarities until I can learn to rest on the fulcrum; maybe it's aries thing).
I do also pick-up on environmental vibrations, such as when with people. My partner and I have overtime tuned our sensitivity to the point that we can frequently and reliably ESP each other over distances.

But I tend to agree that in general, the thoughts aren't mine, and are akin to my phone picking up other WiFi hotspots nearby.
I've always found the line between intuition (heart) and MK-Dogma induced reactivity (head) is a tricky one. Although if its anything near fear-related thoughts, I know its the latter.

Exercise is a way for your Self to reside in the body more, you stress the body and then relax the higher the short term stress (exercise) the deep the relax - especially if you can do a little focus breathing, into the body rather than the mind. see those vids of Tony robbins in the know thy self mega thread. the being of the Self will find it easier to reside in the body-self and quash those pesky mind parasites!!!

With so much energy now available, I'm actually eager to go swimming again. Also, Amsterdam being a cyclist mecca, I've re-picked up my old habit of cycling long distances (something I rarely practiced in my 8-yrs in Canada) so that's good for my body/psyche.
And yeah, I will check those links in the thread, as well as doing more Wim Hoff breathing methods (I think the dude is from Ams too!)

Ahh amsterdam, I was once spazzed out on magic mushrroms giggling my head off sat on a bench in one of the squares, my arms splayed over the bench as i slouched in it, and some kid encouraged by his dad tried to lift my watch, he flipped the strap buckle - but i noticed and the ran off.

Haha, that's bonkers man. I love the eccentricity of this city, something I missed while living in the Pacific NorthWest which has much more mellow, solitary vibe even though it definitely has its magick/charm. Magic mushrooms in nature/parks/art museums are definitely on my bucket-list for sure.

Thank you once again for the goodies, much appreciated.

 

[sirujux]

I mean when your high stressed it back fires on you. you say if everyone putts a little a little water on there brush the color will change. if you zoom in a brush is just horse hair. you do the painting with your mind. the mind is so chaotic though. that's why everyone cant change anything with there minds on a world wide level.

 

[nickzeptepi]

Have a look at his whole series - as a psychologist he's a rare one in that he talks about higher powers etc

I read somewhere else can't remember where, people with a inner critic were criticised at stages of their childhood, sort of a low level persistent trauma, you were made to feel not good enough in certain aspects. (why can't you be more like you brother/ don't do it like that/ where's your manners etc etc) I don't know your circumstances and if you have it, it will be buried deep deep down but I suggest you look into it, do some active imaginations while in the relaxed meditative state, Try the openEMDR app on your phone and ask your self questions out loud, why who etc things might get revealed in dreams, or resolved.

I have had a long journey form Pseudo self into longer stints of real self, very recently I've gone through a significant milestone - and 3 nights ago I had a dream where I was helping a Russell Brand type character(pseudo-self) get ready for something or helped him get to where he was in status, then suddenly I (real self) had to pack up my stuff for a trip, all my stuff was scattered all over in different bags(compartmentalised) but I managed to get what I needed and put it into 1 ruck sack - there was some other stuff about charging my power bank(energy to do the work) but I interpret as my subconscious is decluttering my bags of "trauma" processing them, recharging for the the final trip to Self etc

Some people might get stuck on why russell brand was in their dreams but the message is the bigger picture.

PS there are some people who don't even have a inner critic - they had a more positive message in upbringing.

Actually now that i have written this I realise I haven't heard my inner critic as strong or as forceful as it was a couple of years ago, it used to reside in the back of my head at the top of the spin and it was at first my highly critical "mother" then it was my brother and now its all but gone. thanks for the reflective reminder, cheers.

I had a few "magical moments" in Amsterdam as well, It does feel like its a portal place.