7/31/2018 – Tuesday
Tomorrow I go to this clinic in Salt Lake City to begin ketamine treatment for PTSD. I’ve been using cannabis to keep it from flaring up, and things are better than they’ve ever been (and so much better than my nadir in January 2014) but I don’t just want to minimize the symptoms. So here we go.
8/1/2018 - Wednesday
Session 1 is in the can. Dr H seems pretty knowledgeable and started me off on a series of intramuscular injections. He started me out on 25 widgets (I don’t remember if he said cc’s or mg’s but will pay closer attention on Friday) and set a timer for 30 minutes. I felt the first takeoff within a few minutes and had a really pleasant half hour – sort of like a super mellow molly high, very much in the body as opposed to how your brain takes flight.
After that 1st injection had more or less run its course the good doc loaded me up with 50 widgets, adding (a little ominously) “We just doubled your dose.”
Again, the drug took hold within a few minutes. I remember being relaxed and focused, followed by a sense of “pulling inward” (which I assume is what people refer to as a K-hole).
Okay, first of all – how the fuck did this ever take off as a party drug? I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone uses this for fun and I fucking love drugs. Then again, I’m new to this one.
But that didn’t stop me from meeting Ketamine – an interdimensional hyperintelligent entity who will interface with you, but only because the software is compatible. Ketamine regards you about as fondly as you regard someone you run into online occasionally while campaigning in some MMORPG (admittedly, I know somewhere between Jack and shit about video games but I feel like this analogy holds). That’s the level of attraction or harmonious vibrational output or whatever you want to call it between Ketamine and the human intellect.
Ketamine started out looking like a planetoid sized beige octopus made out of egg cartons, cubicle walls, and those recessed cork tile ceilings, with eyes in the tentacles that shone fluorescently. Upon encountering Ketamine, Will Millar’s K-hole turned into a cocoon, except there was nothing inside the chrysalis. Will Millar became the cocoon; became a ball of webbing that unraveled and spun apart into an infinitude of strands. These strands danced with the God Octopus Ketamine. That’s how we interfaced, I guess.
Space dancing.
I became aware of somebody trying to reach Will Millar again. Oddly, this sensation could best be described as a single note that I heard, plucked on the strands that I had become, over and over.
Whoever wrote the script for Interstellar has probably done a fair amount of ketamine.
Long story short, I was hyperventilating. And the person was a nurse, who was trying to get me to breathe normally. I became aware of a plastic bag that I was supposed to breathe into. I was batting it away, while Dr H and the nurse were very calmly walking Will Millar back out of the K-hole.
At some point I held the bag to my face (this was roughly about the same point “I” and “me” were coming back into focus). Immediately I began to feel worse and dropped the bag so that I could get up and walk around, which I did without falling down or anything, no doubt to the relief of everyone in the room. I went to the bathroom and took a leak, and by the time I was finished, something more or less approximating Will Millar was approximately more or less at the proverbial wheel.
When I saw Dr H, he was the one to tell me I had been hyperventilating, and to try to avoid that in the future. I asked him if it was possible that I was doing ujjayi breathing, as it’s something I do during peak experiences sometimes. I don’t mean to, it’s more of a muscle memory thing as I’ve been practicing the Ashtanga method for a number of years. I demonstrated what I meant and he said it was possible, but basically that I should make more of a conscious effort to breathe normally in the future.
This all happened a few hours ago now. I’ve had a nap and some food and cannabis since then – not quite in that order. It’s hard to believe that this all happened in about two and a half hours; having my brain essentially scooped out, examined (washed perhaps; banished?) and stuffed back into my skull. Weirder still, I’m going back under on Friday.
The protocol is for 6 sessions total, spaced out over 12 days. So, I’ll have more info after the next session, and if you guys have any questions I’ll try to answer them as best I can.
One other thing – since I can post this sort of stuff here and nowhere else without people really starting to wonder about me. I work with a Smith deck (not sure if that’s how you spell Ms Smith’s name but you know what I’m talking about), and my go-to is the Right Hand of Eris. This morning’s layout was –
1. 3 of Wands
2. Ace of Cups
3. 7 of Swords
4. The Tower
5. 2 of Wands
I’m not normally prone to precog, but I predicted drawing 3 out of 5 of those cards (these being the 1st, 3rd, and 5th cards drawn). Not saying I’m ready to join Professor X’s school for the middle-aged, just saying it was interesting. Anyway that’s it until Friday. Bugs and fishes, y’all.
Tomorrow I go to this clinic in Salt Lake City to begin ketamine treatment for PTSD. I’ve been using cannabis to keep it from flaring up, and things are better than they’ve ever been (and so much better than my nadir in January 2014) but I don’t just want to minimize the symptoms. So here we go.
8/1/2018 - Wednesday
Session 1 is in the can. Dr H seems pretty knowledgeable and started me off on a series of intramuscular injections. He started me out on 25 widgets (I don’t remember if he said cc’s or mg’s but will pay closer attention on Friday) and set a timer for 30 minutes. I felt the first takeoff within a few minutes and had a really pleasant half hour – sort of like a super mellow molly high, very much in the body as opposed to how your brain takes flight.
After that 1st injection had more or less run its course the good doc loaded me up with 50 widgets, adding (a little ominously) “We just doubled your dose.”
Again, the drug took hold within a few minutes. I remember being relaxed and focused, followed by a sense of “pulling inward” (which I assume is what people refer to as a K-hole).
Okay, first of all – how the fuck did this ever take off as a party drug? I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone uses this for fun and I fucking love drugs. Then again, I’m new to this one.
But that didn’t stop me from meeting Ketamine – an interdimensional hyperintelligent entity who will interface with you, but only because the software is compatible. Ketamine regards you about as fondly as you regard someone you run into online occasionally while campaigning in some MMORPG (admittedly, I know somewhere between Jack and shit about video games but I feel like this analogy holds). That’s the level of attraction or harmonious vibrational output or whatever you want to call it between Ketamine and the human intellect.
Ketamine started out looking like a planetoid sized beige octopus made out of egg cartons, cubicle walls, and those recessed cork tile ceilings, with eyes in the tentacles that shone fluorescently. Upon encountering Ketamine, Will Millar’s K-hole turned into a cocoon, except there was nothing inside the chrysalis. Will Millar became the cocoon; became a ball of webbing that unraveled and spun apart into an infinitude of strands. These strands danced with the God Octopus Ketamine. That’s how we interfaced, I guess.
Space dancing.
I became aware of somebody trying to reach Will Millar again. Oddly, this sensation could best be described as a single note that I heard, plucked on the strands that I had become, over and over.
Whoever wrote the script for Interstellar has probably done a fair amount of ketamine.
Long story short, I was hyperventilating. And the person was a nurse, who was trying to get me to breathe normally. I became aware of a plastic bag that I was supposed to breathe into. I was batting it away, while Dr H and the nurse were very calmly walking Will Millar back out of the K-hole.
At some point I held the bag to my face (this was roughly about the same point “I” and “me” were coming back into focus). Immediately I began to feel worse and dropped the bag so that I could get up and walk around, which I did without falling down or anything, no doubt to the relief of everyone in the room. I went to the bathroom and took a leak, and by the time I was finished, something more or less approximating Will Millar was approximately more or less at the proverbial wheel.
When I saw Dr H, he was the one to tell me I had been hyperventilating, and to try to avoid that in the future. I asked him if it was possible that I was doing ujjayi breathing, as it’s something I do during peak experiences sometimes. I don’t mean to, it’s more of a muscle memory thing as I’ve been practicing the Ashtanga method for a number of years. I demonstrated what I meant and he said it was possible, but basically that I should make more of a conscious effort to breathe normally in the future.
This all happened a few hours ago now. I’ve had a nap and some food and cannabis since then – not quite in that order. It’s hard to believe that this all happened in about two and a half hours; having my brain essentially scooped out, examined (washed perhaps; banished?) and stuffed back into my skull. Weirder still, I’m going back under on Friday.
The protocol is for 6 sessions total, spaced out over 12 days. So, I’ll have more info after the next session, and if you guys have any questions I’ll try to answer them as best I can.
One other thing – since I can post this sort of stuff here and nowhere else without people really starting to wonder about me. I work with a Smith deck (not sure if that’s how you spell Ms Smith’s name but you know what I’m talking about), and my go-to is the Right Hand of Eris. This morning’s layout was –
1. 3 of Wands
2. Ace of Cups
3. 7 of Swords
4. The Tower
5. 2 of Wands
I’m not normally prone to precog, but I predicted drawing 3 out of 5 of those cards (these being the 1st, 3rd, and 5th cards drawn). Not saying I’m ready to join Professor X’s school for the middle-aged, just saying it was interesting. Anyway that’s it until Friday. Bugs and fishes, y’all.
