Ketamine Journaling

[willm308]

great writing & all around great stuff, OP. thanks for sharing. i wish we had this treatment in memphis

Hey, thanks and sorry for the late reply. Also sorry to hear this isn't an option out there. I'm seeing and hearing about a lot of different options in different parts of the country. Apparently you can do ayahuasca ceremonies in a number of states now (just an example). If psychedelic self-work is something you're even curious about though, after a couple of months since the treatments I would still 100% recommend exploring whatever you have available in your area that speaks to you.

 

[thewalrus]

wow... I've been here a month though only actually logged in a handful times. How did I just now find this thread? It has it all.... psychedelic dissociatives, tarot, Enochian references, occult visionary work... pretty much right up my alley. It's been about 3 years since I've done any entheogenic substances but my life used to revolve around it for most of my adult life. Of them ketamine was my favorite by far, primarily because a) I didn't use them "recreationally" but have been on the magical path about as long (now longer) as the psychedelic. Generally, set and setting play a big role and I can't imagine doing things in a clinical setting but with a dissociative like ketamine I guess it doesn't matter as much since once you get into it it doesn't matter where you are. The thing about ketamine for me was that while it might only last an hour in physical time, experientially it would be a separate eternity experientially. Time seemed to have no meaning. Having already been well researched and experienced with the occult and psychedelics before doing ketamine my trips were always steeped in the occult and I was probably better equipped than most to actually understand them. One thing I found that actually blows ketamine out of the water is a (I think it's still) legal compound that is actually an analog of ketamine called methoxetamine (MXE). It's more orally active and more potent than ketamine and lasts about 6 hours. To me it was always like an "ultra high definition" version of ketamine... we used to use the term "k-tarded" to describe being high on ketamine while the MXE version would be "genius level". This is already a long thread post so I'll cut it off here but would love to continue this conversation if people are interested.

 

[willm308]

Wow, thanks for the heads-up Walrus. I've never heard of MXE before but will look into it.

November would be the earliest point at which I could do a follow-up treatment (3 shots administered over a single 2 hour session, unless we decided to do more), but as of right now I might push it out until after the holidays. I still feel pretty good, although I've been playing around with a micro-dosing protocol, and that could be why the depression/PTSD isn't rearing back as bad.

I thought about journaling about that here, but I'm not really doing high-level psilo doses enough to cause the sort of breaks with reality that ketamine created. It would probably be boring and repetitive, and not add much to this thread. However, overall life is good and I'm really glad that people are still reading and getting something from this. Hope everyone had a happy Halloween.

 

[willm308]

3/20/19 – 3/21/19

Hey gang.

Yesterday I went in for a follow-up treatment, taking 3 injections over the course of 2 hours, with dosages of 50 mg, 60 mg, and then 50 mg again. Dr H originally was going to administer 70 mg for the 3rd dose, but backed off on account of I wasn’t doing too great after 60. These aren’t very large doses, but it doesn’t take a lot for me to go over, perhaps due to some quirk of my metabolism.

It’s been a little over 6 months since the original protocols. A lot of patients go back after 90 days for their first follow-up, but that was the middle of November and I had a lot of family and holiday obligations. Also, I was actually doing pretty well at the time.

I still have depression and will probably struggle with PTSD for the rest of my life. I’ve learned how to be okay with this. I think some people don’t function well unless they have something to struggle with.

Drugs have different flavors and flavors, but at least you can describe the phenomena that accompany, say, an LSD trip or blackout drinking. The experience of being injected with a large dose of ketamine and being left to writhe around on an oversized bean bag, in the back room of a doctor’s office in some random office complex in the suburbs beggars description. The phrase “K-hole” is as useful as it is inadequate. If ketamine has a flavor, it’s the same flavor that a deep dark hole has; a narrow hole in the middle of the woods at midnight, a hole you cannot see the bottom of.

You find yourself inside this hole after a time, and you know there’s no coming out of it. Something will take this thing you call yourself back, but the price of the return trip includes a piece of that said “you”. Hopefully, whatever you end up sacrificing is that which you came down here to jettison in the first place.

Medical professionals can talk about mechanisms in the lateral habenula and improved left/right brain dynamics all they want, but it feels an awful lot more like standing blindfolded naked in front of those old Egyptian gods. They cut you open, weigh and measure every piece of you. In the land of the dead you are beyond pain.

Some process occurs; a promised exchange of goods and services between principals that only tangentially involves “you”, and then you are stitched back up (minus whatever you surrendered, remember) and sent back into the world of the living.

I think that in spite of any evidence to the contrary, despite all of our combined angst, essentially we volunteered to be here. We certainly opt into staying here for as long as we can, renewing this option every time we crawl out of bed without jumping out the window.

 

[nickzeptepi]

Jennifer Dore, MD is a member of the adjunct clinical faculty at Stanford and is a board certified psychiatrist specializing in psychodynamic psychotherapy and medication management for conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, ADHD and addiction. Dr. Dore earned her MD from New York Medical College in 2007, with the highest academic distinction, Alpha Omega Alpha and holds a B.A. from Amherst College where she majored in English Literature. Upon graduating, Dr. Dore trained for three years as a surgical resident at Weill Cornell/NY Presbyterian Hospital. It was while training as a surgeon, specifically time covering the Intensive Care Unit, that Dr. Dore discovered a deep concern and interest in the complexity of human suffering and how difficult it is for patients and their families to make life critical medical decisions. Dr. Dore’s training subsequently took her to Northern California where she joined the Stanford Department of Psychiatry as a resident physician. While at Stanford, Dr. Dore’s focus included the treatment of bipolar disorder, intensive individual psychotherapy, family and couples therapy, the treatment of addiction and medical decision making. Dr. Dore’s research in the area of bipolar disorder earned her recognition from the American Psychiatric Association during their 2013 Annual Meeting in San Francisco. Dr. Dore was also elected Chief Resident for her contributions as a leader and innovator. With the founding of Helios Psychiatry, Dr. Dore is excited to connect with the community and deliver exceptional care grounded in an integrative approach to wellness and the whole person.

 

[willm308]

Hey, since it's been another year and some change since my last time posting here and there's some new info... an update. On a side note, Nick, thanks for posting the above info ^^^, also I know I owe you a PM from like almost a year ago - I'm so sorry and will shoot you a message this weekend.

So, a few weeks ago I went back to the clinic, except this time it was to take my better half in for her own treatment. We've been together for a little over 10 years now, and she's a survivor like me - only she's always handled her own trauma a lot better than I could. But after a few years of work and a couple of booster treatments from 2018-2019, I'm doing better. Like I said, my last ketamine injection was over a year ago. I feel no real need to swim in that current these days. A lot of that has come from meditation and yoga. Other than a pretty heavy THC habit, I almost an ascetic life, lots of intermittent fasting and like I said, the yoga.

The other big thing is that I've been working as a professional psychic for over a year now too, and will have been full-time for a whole year come this June. Other than a few lean weeks just before Christmas (which I was able to offset with a temporary barbacking gig) and then a bit of a transition to full-time phone work once the COVID madness hit, it's been running pretty smoothly. I have a pretty solid call list now, and my clients are all pretty happy with me.

A couple of things - first, no, ketamine did not make me psychic. It did help me remove a lot of blocks, though. And once I started doing the work I really wanted to do, both the PTSD/depression issues and accompanying self-destructive tendencies kind of lost any sort of real present moment impact, which obviated the compulsion towards substance abuse.


As for Cassie, she's still processing her own experience but has gone through the whole two weeks. She actually found all but the last round really enjoyable but her last series of injections was really challenging. She's an amazing writer but doesn't publish her own stuff. She did paint a bunch of pictures afterwards, which she's now converting to digital images and posting on instagram - if anyone wants to see them I'll post a link in the reply here. Also if you guys ever know someone who needs a psychic hit me up.

So that's really it, I guess. If I'm moved at some point to go back, I'll write about the experience here, but for now I'll simply state for the record that ketamine serves as an effective means of treating PTSD and depression, and that I have experienced no urge to abuse harmful substances or behave in even a slightly destructive manner since undergoing the treatment in 2017. Furthermore, I believe the experience allowed me to view my life in a more honest manner, and take chances that I wouldn't have otherwise, resulting in a series of events that completely transformed my life.

So, TLR hard drugs cure hard drug use..Have fun, kids.